守望的距离

I. "有一道线,会在不知不觉中就踩过去了,没有痕迹. 等你走过去的时候,会听到身后有一扇门砰的一下子关上了. 我甚至听的到那个声音,你就带着这个向往坚定的走下去吧." 这是些许日子前M一字一字敲击出来呈现在我眼前的话,谢谢你,这些文字给我了很多力量.

II. 答应了朋友要写的东西一直拖到现在, 起于一段关于上海-梧桐树的对话. 发现自己对生活的城市知之甚少,少的可怜.

Root causes:

a.  失去了重心 - 我是个喜欢游走,去发现,去观察,去感怀的人,SH虽然浮躁但并不是个浅薄的城市,有很多值得去体验的地方,可近一年我把自己封闭在自己的狭小空间,盲目的奔波中失去了方向,也忘记了为什么而生活. 爱上一座城市往往是因为它有什么特别的东西吸引了你,抑或是一个人. 对SH的感情,似乎有点叶公好龙,当我真的和它如此近距离的接触时,却找不到一个热爱它的理由.

b.  迷失了自己 – 纠缠于细节却失去了对大方向的把握,头脑中原本清晰的规划渐行渐远,变的模糊不清. 过于执着,这是老毛病了,佛家八大苦最后两项所说的求不得放不下皆因过份执着于自己的内心及行为模式.

问问自己,五年以后的你在做什么? 以终为始, 除了行动(action plan… 略),没有时间去挥霍浪费.

III.中秋浙西行

To be continued…

难得一个闲适的午后, 阳光透过百叶窗照射进来, 班驳陆离的影子如同那缠缠绕饶的心事一般, 细碎的洒满了地板, 懒洋洋的, 但很温暖.

我舒服的坐在电脑前,平复自己的心情, 打开《似水年华》中的那段钢琴曲, 任它随着思绪慢慢流淌到心里最深最柔软的地方.

老钮离开SH已经是2年前的事情了, 就在一个相似的午后, 我们一边静静的闲谈,一边听着这样的曲子.

一入秋, 我就会开始怀念南京那满大街的法国梧桐, 想望着一个人在其中静静的散步. 本子里那一片已经保存了3年的叶子依然脉络清晰, 透着时间沉淀留下来的印记,它尚未完全风干的叶片上仍然弥留着淡淡的香, 让人很舒服, 也更让人回恋. 让人想跳出现实沉醉其中.

春华秋实, 秋天本该是收获的时刻, 在这样的季节里, 我们收获了什么? 如果没有收获成功, 我们一定要收获成长. 如果失败是成长必须要付出的代价,那么我们一定要收获宝贵的经验和教训. 怀着一颗感恩的心, 感谢划过我们生命中的每一道风景. 正如普希金所说, 一切都是瞬息,一切都将过去,而那过去了的,都将成为美好的回忆.

Taking care of yourself, then others, this is pretty much what life is all about.

此刻, 我的书桌上散发着淡淡的香, 其中夹杂着那片法国梧桐的叶香, 还有路遥那本《平凡的世界》的墨香, 我想,于此时此刻记录下自己淡淡的心绪,是最相宜的.

非常熟悉的曲子,直到几天前Annie 的隆重推荐,才第一次知道了这个曲子的名字.

磅礴,大气,仿佛感受得到海面上水拍水,浪叠浪,气势壮观,力量不可阻挡.

一支舰队冲破浪花,斗志昂扬.激情在每一个水手身上流淌.

终于可以看见远远的海天交接的地方,

征服天堂!

这是Vangelis《1492: 征服天堂》中的第二首 Conquest Of Paradise 

每一个孩子都听说过这样一个故事:在公元1492年8月的一个早晨, 一个名叫克里斯托福.哥伦布的年轻人从西班牙的某个港湾起锚,跨越了汪洋大海,发现了天堂.

宽阔浩瀚的太平洋,存在了亿万年的古老大洋,承托着流浪人在这三千英尺深的蓝色海面上的无数足迹. 当经历了许多日日夜夜的等待与沉默, 望远镜中的海平线出现了久违却又陌生的土地.

当神听见了英雄的欢呼, 他知道:他已经征服了天堂.

早晨刚刚睁开眼睛,看到一个陌生的号码发来的问候: 最近还好吗? 忙回问对方是谁. "柴**" , 原来是多年没有联系的小老乡.

还记得2001年我们几个人是一起坐着火车去大连上大学报道的,05年听说她毕业去了天津,就再没了消息. 转眼八年过去了,听她说她已经再回到大连并已经在那里工作了三年了,她说今年五一的时候已经结婚了,很让我意外,当年我们眼里的小女孩也已经为人妻了,我就慨叹时间过的实在是太快了,几年的光景,大家变化都太大了. 再次相逢的时候恐怕都不敢相认了.

我和Carl 说起这件事,一样的唏嘘.

最近工作稍微闲了点,空闲的时候越发觉得寂寞了,期盼着能有个朋友常在一起聊聊天,谈谈往事,是件多么舒服的事情. 一个人能在一个城市里拥有一个知心的朋友,该是多么不容易的事情啊. 想念老三,小六,小八他们了,毕业后还没再回过大连,回去,会是什么感觉呢?

前些日在公司的活动上认识了两个校友,觉得非常有缘分,有一个竟然是一届的,另一个也年龄相仿,感觉一下子亲近了,之后大家还一起唱了一回歌,让我觉得生活似乎没那么单调了.

我不知道我们都怎么了,不断的把自己封闭在一个狭小的世界,直到憋得喘不过气来. 我想念北山的烧烤,想念专家楼下面的春饼… 我只好听着那当年流行的歌子自己轻轻跟着和.

刚给几个老朋友打电话,可对我来讲,似乎他们在讲什么并不重要,重要的是我在听着他们熟悉的声音,我就很开心. 人,就是这么感性的动物.

不知道是巧合还是怎么的,今天得知是学校的60年校庆, 还有经济系66岁的候教授将在本月24日退休,看着当年自己毕业时和候老的合影,一时之间心里说不出的滋味…

我发现自己落伍的实在太快,也发现自己并没有想要奋勇直追的想法,当无数人开始追捧开心的时候,我还是坚守着MSN这块土壤,当众多80后90后都在开心农场里忙活时,我却显得象个老古董,传统,守旧. 并保持着大学时的习惯,边看《Friends》边喝啤酒吃咸菜. 难怪实习的Evelyn 总说我象个70后…

这几天湿闷的很,正如我的心情, 夜里下了很大的雨,整个人也感觉湿漉漉的.

工作上不断出现犯难的事情,好象无论怎么努力,怎么仔细,也难免百密一疏,总会有想的不周全,办的不到位,出现错误的地方.

终于积累的多了,让我觉得需要时间和空间来理理想想. 临近中午的时候匆匆理了下手上的活,请了半天的假,一个人跑回家门口的星巴克,寥寥的没有几个人.

工作上有两种人,第一种人看人家做就能学会,第二种人总要自己做过错过才能学会. 我无疑是后面一种人.

打给朋友,和我心里对问题的解决方案基本是相同的,当真正去解决的时候才发现没有自己想象的糟糕. 我这样的人没等到别人给自己压力,自己给自己的压力就够沉重的了,不知道是经历的风雨还不够多所以仍然不能够做到触变不惊还是太把一些东西当回事了.

终于看清楚眼前是怎么样的一盘菜,可不管是怎么样的一盘菜,我都要吃下去并强大起来,没有退路.

花了好久的时间才让自己平复下来,断断续续的看了两本杂志,有几篇真的看进去了,似乎很久没有过这么一个惬意的下午了,在工作和烦恼中偷身出来,就这么享受着阅读的快乐.觉得实在太美好了. 可我不敢奢望它能更长久.

晚上买了新鲜的小米,熬了给自己喝.

四月说话就过去了,一如既往的忙,做完Bonus,就马不停蹄的Salary Adjustment, 加班少了些,可压力丝毫不减,直到上个周五晚上离开松江建行心里才塌实了下来.

用余下的四天整理文档,做扎实基础性的工作,完成各种Report,和COE Team的合作不断顺利起来,总是要慢慢的磨和啊,今天下午那个一向严苛的K发来邮件: Dear Ricky, I am very happy to have the opportunity to cooperate with you … 终于感觉到些许欣慰了.

前些日,心爱的小黑屏幕总是断断续续的闪,终于在一个晚上再也亮不起来了,拿到公司问IT,心凉了半截:可能要换屏,要上千的银子啊. 周末冒雨跑到徐家汇,被蓝快边上的修理店小忽悠了一下,后来才到一个不大的专业维修点搞定,价钱公道,只是工作年限太长(快5年了)灯管老化,换个新的,一切OK! 这几年来,多亏了有它啊!

感叹时间过的太快,看着去年自己的blog,象是刚发生过的事一样.感觉自己最近忙的忙的,可自己到底忙的什么也搞不清楚了,没有了方向,没有了追求,日子充实可也就这么浑浑噩噩着,是要停停想想看看.

公司这部大的公交车,似乎最近停靠的比较频繁,总有人上车下车,下了车的,就不再上来,作为售票员,似乎应该熟悉并习惯这一切,可心里还是有丝丝的说不清的痛.. ..

似乎整个一个月都在等着这一天似的,也不知道为什么,可到了,又没什么感觉了.

昨天好象下了一夜的雨,一直到今天早晨也没有停.要出门的时候才发现把伞忘记在办公室了,只好顶着几片报纸出门,外面到处是一滩一滩的水,只好一步一步的走... 走到班车点身上湿了大半,狼狈死了,今天司机又刚好没开空调... 我第一次如此讨厌雨天!

这个礼拜,在Evelyn的帮忙下,办公室里属于HR的区域终于开始象点样子了,也有了人气,很多事情很快就落实好了,实在不错!

总处理员工离职真不是件让人开心的事,可公司里差不多每个星期都有人离开,不知道目前这种状况还要持续多久. 刚刚熟悉起来的财务的兄弟姐妹即将陆续搬到浦东,一群陌生的CS面孔将来填补这个空白,变化每天都在发生.

和销售助理S女人吵了第三回,这个女人总是不问清楚事情原由就开始大喊大叫,我很少用野蛮来形容别人,可对于S,哎... 前几分钟还扯着嗓子说你不能叫她做这个,做那个,后几分钟就一脸堆笑的叫你帮她妹妹找工作...

最近几天睡的都很不好,很累,非常排斥加班.周末要好好的睡觉!

说实话,这种天气真的没有上班的情绪,早晨挣扎着起来去赶班车.自从注意到小区门口有摩的可打后,我发现自己开始肆无忌惮的晚起,就为了那五分钟.. .. 人那.. ..

好在周五熬夜加班做的东西今天一次通过了,算是一点欣慰,可很多东西做起来还是不能让人满意,还是不够顺畅,好在事情在朝着好的方向走.要感谢FC一直耐心的指导和帮助,否则真不知道还会痛苦多少倍,心里小心翼翼感叹幸运的同时却一点也不敢放松,发现自己不懂的东西实在太多.

最近这些天阴冷阴冷的,象冬天又回来了似的,坐在办公室里,经常手是凉凉的.如果不是工作太忙没有时间顾及的话,这一天还真不知道是怎么过来的.

昨天把台灯从书桌上挪到了床边,整个屋子似乎又和以前在昆山的时候一个样子了,枕头边摞了不少书,要看起来了,否则感觉自己有点象个机器:只会干活没有思想了.

寻摸着等天气暖和起来的时候去走走那几条一直想去的老街,换个心情,心境,让自己偶尔也从工作中解脱出来一下.突然很想念大外边上的那条南山风情一条街,怎么就那么幽静啊! 还有西塘,挺想再去住一晚的.已经有半年哪都没去了.

期待着下一次出行.

" 雨天, 想着我们不曾碰面, 望着你的照片, 你问我台北好吗, 伦敦阴着天, 两个城市雨绵绵.. ..",今晨伴着雨声醒来的时候, 小燕姿的这句歌词就一直在耳畔萦绕着,久久不去.

我就是喜欢在这样的雨天懒懒的窝在温暖的家里.. .. 最近几个星期实在太累了,有好几天身上感觉好疼,难得有个周末可以好好休息一下,感觉真是幸福.

近两个月工作确实辛苦,但似乎这才有了点感觉,累并快乐着吧. 生活和工作有点失去了平衡,相信只是半年左右的过渡期,7月份以后所有资料都上了SAP会好些吧?

在新的环境里遇到了一群新的人,一个充满战斗力的团队,他们的职业态度吸引着我和他们一起加油前进. 这是我喜欢的氛围.

好久没看书了,觉得整个人空空的. 好久没有好好去看看朋友们的生活,不知道大家过的都好吗? 有的时候,生活的目标或远或近,或清晰或迷茫,一路上,大家就这么走着.

老弟过来呆了两周,虽然要花时间照顾他,但却也给了我家的感觉,一种久未亲近的感觉.我离家太久太远了.

Gosh, how time flies! Nine-day-holiday has passed already.

Without any plans, schedules, trips or what so ever, I just spent my day at home randomly: update some blog entries, tidy up the apartment, watch TV Series, listen to favorite music, and fall into sleep anytime I feel it.

I got to finish all the major New Year Blockbusters except<Red Cliff II>, and brushed up on some classics like <乔家大院>,<大染坊> and so on.

It was not until yesterday, after having lunch with college roommate Eric that I realized I had not talk to anybody(except those on the phones) for a week. I talked so much in the afternoon that even we had so much tea I still felt thirsty and my throat kept dry all the time. When I back home, a sense of loneliness quickly came all over me, overwhelming. And all my ease for these days suddenly collapse…

While feelings is just feelings, they come, and they go.

2009 starts with an double “2” , it is a lucky Number in old Chinese tradition. And hope the Luckiness is always surround us.

Got up almost at lunch time, I have enjoyed my sleep these two days, do not have to dream of or worrying about all the figures, deadlines… instead, I got to wake up enjoying the sun smiling and the bird whispering, just beautiful!

After overtaxing for a month and a half, this holiday is very precious!

Put on my favorite music, I started to clean the apartment, which is traditionally what we do on New Year’s Eve at home and of course afterwards, we will take a shower, ‘cause we are supposed to wear new dresses, new shoes before the new year comes.

I do not have new dresses for this day, actually, I do not have new dresses for years to just serve this purpose, but I finally got a reason to throw the socks that has been worn out away, ha-ha!

It is the first year in my life that I am all alone on New Year’s eve, but it did not felt that bad. I kept the Air-conditioner running so the room was pretty warm, a little dry though. I had all the things in my refrigerator: the beverage, beer, sausage,and of course the frozen dumplings.

I believe one of the reasons why I can finished the most part of the Spring Festival Gala Evening was that there were not too many advertisements, at least not as many as to irritate me, and I really enjoyed some of the shows.

With the garlic,Shanxi vinegar, I finished 36 dumplings, I guess it was my personal best record! And when time close to 00:00, I started to make phone calls home, it was sweet, and at that time, it felt like New Year.

2008 was ended in the sweetest laughter, so as the 2009 started.

Despite the fact that 2008 was a year of misery for China,even though the Olympic brightened it up a little; there were something worth mentioning for my family in 2008:  

i. The most important person in my life has embarked on another beautiful journey, you know we are all happy for you from the bottom of our hearts, and wish you the happiest life in days to come and we know that you will be!

ii. My little brother got scholarship in the university, pal, you know I am proud of you! Keep on the good work in 2009, you are stronger than I thought what you would be. Come on!
 
iii. I changed my job and settled down in Shanghai finally. It’s been so long, and now it is a brand new start and I still have a long way to go...

I am thankful for all the friends, colleagues who fought alongside me, you made me what I am today, I felt so lucky to have you. Wish you all the best in 2009 and may it be a fruitful experience for you!

December 10th, 2008

This is my last working day with PPG Industries, I wrote my farewell letter to all the colleagues in the morning and completed all the exit procedure. I was touched by some of the replies while I have to move on. Having lunch with some of my friends, and said goodbye to everyone in the office.

I took a bus to my barber’s, this was probably the last time I went there. I had been going there like 2 years, got my hair cut from the place where everything started and headed for a new adventure. Just as Daisy said to me: You really is 一切从"头" 开始啊! Yeah, Starting From Scratch!

December 11th, 2008

I always wanted to start my day with an Monday or some day like the very beginning of 2009, but you know you always do not have a say on this.

It is an exciting business, a more dynamic environment and of course a more challenging job.

Without any orientation, I have to fit myself in the operation as soon as possible, there were too much things have to learn, grasp, absorb and put into practice in the least possible time. I never felt my work as full and busy as its being now, I got to learn, and I have enjoyed it !

Dear all colleagues,

I want to take a moment to let you know that today is my last working day in PMC Kunshan.

I have enjoyed my time here and appreciate having had the opportunity to work with all of you. Thank you for the support, guidance and encouragement you have provided me during my time here. And I will miss you even though I have moved on for my career development outside this organization.

I look forward to keeping in touch with you and I can be reached at:

MSN: Jacky0216@hotmail.com

Mobil: 139 **** 6910

Thanks again for everything!

Truly Yours,

Jack WANG

December 10, 2008

Dear Joy,

There is no easy way for me to put this, but please kindly accept this letter as my formal notice of resignation from PPG PMC China effective from November 10, 2008.

It has been a pleasure working for you and I appreciate to having had the opportunity to learn so much from you.

I thank you for granting me the opportunity to be a member of your team, and get to closely work with you and learn from you.

I thank you for pointing out the career path for me, and I made up my mind to be a HR professional as successful as you are.

I thank you for teaching me so much that I can benefit in my whole career even in my whole life.

You are and will always be a great mentor of mine.

During my 2 and a half year here, I tried to melt myself into this organization, but the chemistry was not right. My working and my life is not what I wanted it to be. I am sorry!

Leaving you is the hardest decision I have ever had to make. I hate this but I have to do something to change my current situation where I have been not happy for a long time.

Thank you very much for all the help and opportunities you have giving me in the past years, and I hope we can have a chance to talk.

I am very sorry for any inconvenience this may caused you!  And I will be glad to be of any assistance to the transition.

Truly yours,

Jack WANG

2008-11-10

Across the oceans across the seas, over forests of blackened trees.
Through valleys so still we dare not breathe, to be by your side.

Over the shifting desert plains, across mountains all in flames.
Through howling winds and driving rains, to be by your side.
Every mile and every year for every one a little tear.
I cannot explain this, dear, I will not even try.

Into the night as the stars collide,
Across the borders that divide forests of stone standing petrified,
To be by your side.
Every mile and every year, for every one a single tear.
I cannot explain this, dear, I will not even try.

For I know one thing, love comes on a wing.
For tonight I will be by your side. but tomorrow I will fly.

From the deepest ocean to the highest peak,
Through the frontiers of your sleep.
Into the valley where we dare not speak, to be by your side.

Across the endless wilderness where all the beasts bow down their heads.
Darling I will never rest till i am by your side.
Every mile and every year, time and distance disappear I cannot explain this.
Dear no, I will not even try.

And I know just one thing, love comes on a wing and tonight I will be by your side.
But tomorrow I will fly away, love rises with the day and tonight I may be by your side.

But tomorrow I will fly, tomorrow I will fly, tomorrow I will fly.

Autumn in 2008, tiptoed to us even without letting us know, it is somehow like a dream or love, they always took us by surprise, while at meantime, brought us ecstasy.

LN got married
Sorry pal, I could not make it to your wedding yesterday, but I can imagine, it must have been a beautiful ceremony! You must look stunning in that dress, and your girl, without any doubt, must captured all the eyes and made it her day!

I know you from the day you aboard SigmaKalon, and later your girl, it's been more than two years, you are the happiest and kindest couple I have ever known in my life, and you are the best friend I have even made and surely it will last as long as life goes.

To know you as a couple is to know that you are truly in the presence of love, I would like to raise my glass to you and the beautiful adventure you are about to embark upon together! I can think of no other two people better prepared for the wonderful journey.

Amy dropped by
Amy arrived at south Shanghai railway station on a Sunday morning, and made 10-day temporary stop, sorry that I have to work and could not be with you all the time, and really hope I can make it up to you when you back, we can pick up where we left off. Surely it will be a more wonderful experience. I am looking forward to that!

A move
To be continued later or forgotten.

A sentence that I came across unexpectedly just now, impressed me a lot, so I make it title of this entry.

It's been a while that I did not write something in English, except the e-mails at work. I can give myself credit that I am becoming better and better each day at business English, but on the other hand, more clumsy at the English Language itself, deep wise.

Several times, I tried so hard to write something that happened in this week after I am back from work, but when I seated, it came nothing. I was occupied by the recent heavy workload and more will coming, for that I can foresee. maggie told me that you should escape from the overtime, even if you can only survive one minute from it. But you know what, working like this is something that I really wanted, so when it came along, I took it as it is, maybe 'cause I am alone, but I don't care.

Met Gavin and Athena the other day in SH, they both work in the finance area, an area I have been away from for so long. We had dinner at a famous spicy food restaurant:South Memory in south Nanjing Road. Spent the night talking about trivial in the college, we laughed and we were happy. It's been a year since I saw them in the last time.

Did not sleep well in a couple of days, I have to stay up late for all kinds of reasons, some I myself can not even explain, therefore a weekend is badly needed and it healed all.

Carl,I am not happy about your giving up the summer intern opportunity,really. You should take every possible chance to sharpen yourself, you know that we still have a long way to go. I am not happy about my current situation either, I am in a phase where I need to more focus on result rather than letting my emotion stand in the way. It's been hard for me, I am trying and I will get over it, please stand beside me as you always did.

I am right now listing to Yanni: Waltz in 7/8, it is great music and would you come and dance around with me?